Thursday, July 5, 2012

Where is the chemistry?


July 5, 2012

So yesterday I was again trying not to be discouraged but I was. The people I am naturally attracted to aren’t contacting me or responding so I have been questioning the type of person I should go for. So I have been thinking about what I want and I honestly don’t know. How can I judge from a small little computer screen? I can’t know a person by the 6 pictures they put up and the 3,000 characters they use to describe themselves. I need to be patient and I just need to go with the flow more. I need to let the stars align and let fate take its course. I want everything to just be easy and sometimes in life you need to worry less and believe more.

I just logged on and I have 9 matches today, 6 emails, 0 winks (what the heck?!?!), and 2 interested. I am not interested in the 2 interested in me. The first guy seemed like a plain bagel. Nobody ever wants a dry plain bagel. The second guy lives too far away. Way too many people contact me that live way far away. I know we are all on here for the same thing and are open to find love but come on I want to date someone that can come over quickly if there is a spider that needs to be killed. I don’t want to start out doing long distance.

Ok so update, while I was typing those 2 paragraphs I had a person wink at me (welcome back winks) and another email.

The guy who winked is also the additional email. Persistent much? But I need to stick to my pledge to go with the flow and let love come to me without getting frustrated and getting negative about the process. I mean in all actuality it has been one week today that I joined. I feel like there has been a lot that has happened in a week.

So Mr. Persistent sent a questionable email.

His email:
Sorry for bothering, but I had to say that you are gorgeous!!

I mean I just don’t know what to say about this email. I feel like it is really timid in the beginning but I’m not going to lie, who doesn’t like to hear that they are beautiful.  I don’t know how to respond. I mean I wish he tried to spark some sort of convo. What do you say back? Thanks for telling me that, you seem cool except you only wrote like 3 sentences about yourself and all your pictures are you taking pictures of yourself in the mirror with your phone. I hate those damn pics. But I need to try and go with the flow right? I don’t know what to do. Should I respond? I mean it was really nice how do you not respond? I don’t know if we would be a match though. But do I even know who a match would be for me? I am confused. I guess Ill respond.

My response:

Thank you, that is a great compliment.

I mean I didn’t know what to say. I said something and oh well. Sit back and keep going throw the process.

Here is Mr. Lawyer again. He is super nice. Maybe not the type of guy I usually go for but those people haven’t worked out so he is worth a shot. He is nice and his emails at least have some personality.  He shortened my name and I don’t know how I feel about it. My family and close friends call me by that nickname but I don’t know how I feel about him using it. I guess he is just trying to show me that he is comfortable with me?

His email:
E,
Actually right now I am pool side for the first time all summer, even though it shouldn't be. I love sushi man I actually was having some when I first read your message from today. Your in cbus that's gnarly, I was supposed to be there but I thought I might have to work today. I was on my way in when my boss emailed me and said even if you have to work saturday enjoy today off. If you go to blind bobs in the oregon ill pre pay for the first round I no the owner plus he will hook me up so let me no. It was good to hear from you.

My response:
 So glad you got out of having to work. Nobody should have to work on America’s birthday J the 4th is for doing American things like  pools, beers, and grill outs. I honestly have no idea where we will go on Saturday. I have never been out in the Oregon District so I will just go wherever they go. Thanks for offering to pay for the first round but I have no idea where we will be. Do you have any plans for the weekend?

E

I mean it was a nice email. I don’t know how I feel about the “pre-paid drinks” but the gesture was nice. I can’t complain about shivery. He has so many errors in this email. I mean come on Mr. Lawyer, were you drunk when you emailed me?!? This looks like a 7th grade essay…maybe worse.  Quick grammar lesson, your=possession you’re=you are. His email did come from a Blackberry so we will give him the benefit of the doubt. He is nice and enthusiastic and this is all about me exploring new things and getting out of the comfort zone.

Here is a new approach to emailing and getting attention…

His email:
Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly
Your profile caught my eye and I just had to say Hi! I'm sure you're getting a million emails from loser guys on here with 3 kids, 2 baby mamas, 4 teeth, and 0 car/job/aspirations. But don't worry, that doesn't apply to me...I have 5 teeth haha!

But seriously, I'd like to hear more about you. So why are Italy and Ireland at the top of your travel list? What book are you reading now?
Talk to you soon!
Mike

ps. Bonus points if you can name the movie my email subject line comes from

My response:

Hey,
Yeah there have been some people on here that aren’t a match but lucky for you one thing I am looking for in a guy is at least 5 teeth. So you just make the cut.

I want to travel to Italy and Ireland because I am both Italian and Irish plus they are both beautiful.  Right now I am reading “Dead End in Norvelt.” It is a teen/young adult book so you probably have never heard of it. It just won the 2012 Newberry medal and I always try and read those books over the summer so I can recommend during the year.  I’m a  huge book dork J. How about you? Are you reading anything right now? Talk to you soon.

E

P.S. I did what I do with every answer I don't know and I googled your bonus question...Google faithfully reported it is from Wedding Crashers :)

I liked that email. It was refreshing and kinda different. He looks fun and nice and it is worth a shot right. I’m keeping myself positive and telling myself to give these guys a try. You can’t really decide anything from an online profile. I need to meet them and decide. The only problem with that is if I go out with them and don’t like them then it is harder to stop chatting…ohh well this is all about the process, right?

So Mr. FellowOU emailed me back.

His email:
Hey e.

We really do have a lot in common. As with you, I have a close knit of friends, but they like to do the same, boring routine all the time. And most of them are in serious relationships or marrjed with kids. I joinec ********** to meet someone new...hopefully something that could turn into more. Im not on here for a fling. Im as honest and genuine as a person as you will meet. If u like the "bad boy" type, thats not me. Ill make you laugh, make wise cracks, get you flowers when u least expect it. I dont have GQ good looks, but dont think im a dog either. I know how to treat someone, and want someone to treat me the same. Ive been lied to and cheated on too many times.

Mr. FellowOU

Well shit here Mr. FellowOU. What would you like me to say here? You might have been too honest? I don’t know but I do know that I feel awkward after reading this and I don’t know why. I REALLY don’t know how I am supposed to respond to this. I totally know how you feel about the not Mr. GQ but not a dog either. That is pretty much how I view myself too. I feel like you are low on confidence and I need to help bring you up. I have a lot of friends getting married too. I’m not a “bad girl” either. We are a lot alike. So after I read this email I feel like you want the same things as me but you seem low on the self-esteem area. I have to ask myself, am I like you in a sense that I have low self-esteem too? Do I feel sad and awkward after reading this because I know exactly what you mean and feel the same way about myself?

My Response:

Mr. FellowOU,

That old saying is wrong, nice guys don’t finish last. They usually finish first. You seem like a great guy with your priorities in all the right areas.

E

And here is the southern charm of old Mr. Horseback.

His email:

RE: hey
Hey whats up how was ur 4th of july anything exciting? Mine was pretty good just grilled out and hung out with my family saw a huge firework show last night when we were fishing it was a lot of fun. This is a really good way to meet ppl but there are a lot of crazies on here lol its pretty funny. I actually have been on this thing for about a month and talked to a couple ppl but havent really met anyone I would want to hangout with yet im pretty picky lol. But I decided to try this cuz I dont wanna meet a girl in a bar and most of my friends r married so they kinda got me to try it out. Im really hoping I just meet a real down to earth, nice girl. Which believe me is a lot harder than u would think. I saw that u teach that is pretty cool what school do you teach at? And what all do you like top do for fun? Well have a great night ttyl


I mean you have to respect the guy. He is on here to meet a good girl. He wants what his friends have. I know that feeling. I want to call my friends and tell them I’m engaged just like they have done to me. I want the white dress, the million bridesmaids and honeymoon too. I know that feeling. He seems like a family guy. My issue is that he told me he is picky (which if I was him I wouldn’t flaunt through the website) Probably a defensive mechanism to make himself feel better for joining a dating website. But the even bigger issue here is that you are 31 and you type like one of my 7th grade students. TTYL? My reaction to that is WTF? I mean didn’t that acronym die around the same time Backstreet boys did? And again, SPELL CHECK THAT SHIT! Jeeeez.

My response:

Hey,

I was in Columbus for the 4th visiting my friends from college. We were pretty low key and just enjoyed each other’s company. There are certainly some crazies on here. I had a girl contact me the other day. I guess she missed the part of my profile that said I was interested in men. I teach in a small district right outside Cincinnati. I have to drive pretty far to get there because I live in the city, but I like the location of  my school. For fun I enjoy going out with friends and family, shopping, yoga, zumba, really I enjoy anything when I am with people I enjoy being around. How about you what do you like to do for fun?

E

Well look who is back acting very business like…Mr. Go Getter.

His email:
Hey you never got back to me I was wondering if you were still wanted to hang out

Yea well I didn’t get back to you because I need my phone number on the Internet like I need a damn hole in my head.  Mr. Go Getter you have not tried to woo me, you haven’t asked me any basic questions about myself, did I tell you me name?  because I am pretty sure you also skipped over that. The real question is do you want to hang out with me or are you just trying to participate in speed dating?

My response:
Hey,

Yeah I don’t really know how I feel about giving out my number yet so I decided not to text you. I don’t mind chatting here or meeting you out but I’m not sure how I feel about giving out my number yet. Sorry. I am down for hanging out sometime.

E

So I was super honest and to the point. Can’t hate on that.  If you don’t like honesty Mr. Go Getter you aren’t going to like me.

Yea! Mr. Weight Lifter emailed me back! He is probably the person I am most interested in on here. As of right now I cant really say he is my “match” but I would say he is the one right now that I look forward to chatting with.

His email:
Hey E :)

How did things end up going in Columbus? I ended up hanging out with family and friends for the 4th, and also got to see some fireworks. It was almost too hot to be outside to enjoy them though lol.

Where are you moving to in a month?

I like the things you are looking for in someone, it sounds like we are looking for a lot of the same things. :)

I'd like to find someone that I have a lot of chemistry with, I think sometimes a person can look like a good match on paper, but there has to also be a feeling inside that you get from the person that goes along with it too. I'd like to find someone that has the same outlook on life as I do, and wants the same things out of life as me.

Any big weekend plans coming up?

Mr. Weight Lifter

My response:
Hey,

Columbus was SO great! It was great to see my friends. I hadn’t seen them since our friend’s wedding about 3 weeks ago so it was refreshing to see some of them again. If I wasn’t in C-Bus I would have done the same thing J Always good to share the 4th with family and friends.
I am moving to a condo in Hyde Park. Right now I live with my friend in an apartment and we are moving into a condo in August. I am actually moving right down the street.

I agree with you on finding chemistry with a person. People can email on here all day long and make themselves sound wonderful but it is all about the feeling you have with that person. Well put.

I am not doing anything tomorrow but Saturday my dance team has a car wash fundraiser all day. Lucky for us the high is going to be 102 so I am thinking we will probably sweat our butts off all day. Then I have a bachelorette party for a friend in Dayton Saturday night. How about you? Any big plans? Talk to you soon.
E

Well-put Mr. Weight lifter. It is all about the initial meeting and the chemistry. It is meeting the person and seeing how the chemistry is. Here I am getting down about the people trying to talk to me not being right and the people I’m trying to talk to not talking to me, and really who knows about any of them? They are only writing on paper. I have no idea if they look like their picture or if they live up to their profiles. It is all about the chemistry you feel when you are with them. There is still that old-fashioned kind of love I was looking for in online dating. You still have to feel the spark when you meet. The set up of how you meet doesn’t matter; it is really all about the initial meeting and feeling the spark.  Mr. Weight Lifter you are a classic example of wisdom come with age. J So glad you are inspiring me in this process.  I need to be meeting more people and chatting on this time-sucking online email. 

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