So Confused...

July 13, 2012

So I went on a date tonight with Mr. Chemistry. I have to say I am a little confused to say the least. I was really excited and hopeful after the first date but I am perplexed now after the second date. I don’t know what to say…

So he has literally texted me every single day this week after he has gotten off work. He is really friendly and it is nice to have someone asking about my day and wanting to talk to me. That is a good feeling. However, it is a little much but I was attributing to the fact that he is probably just as excited as I was. So he immediately asked me to come over and watch a movie on Wednesday, which I couldn’t do. Then he asked me to come to his apartment and make sushi with him. I thought that was an awesome idea. He is a chef and it is an opportunity to show off to me. So long story short I went over today to make sushi with him.

We went to Findlay market to get all the ingredients and then it was cooking time. He sliced everything up and was slicing and dicing…definitely showing off to me. It is nice to see someone passionate about what they do and having confidence in themselves and their craft. So that was all great and he was teaching me how to roll my sushi and how to make a good presentation.  I had a blast doing it and the food was really good. We chatted and were playful in the kitchen. Very movie-like. The problem came next…..

We had beers and went to sit on the couch to watch tv. We were chatting and laughing and having a good time when…I was mid conversation and he grabbed my face and started making-out with me. I mean he was a good kisser but it was very unexpected and I didn’t know how to respond. My face was so red and I could literally feel my ears burning. I was hoping we would kiss for a little longer so he wouldn’t see how red my face was. He started to kiss my neck (super intimate and  super early) and I was thinking I AM IN A WEDDING TOMORROW DO NOT F*** WITH THE NECK!  So after we made-out for a minute, I didn’t know what to say but “wow pulling out all the stops with the sushi and a make-out.” I mean I didn’t even know what to say. I was nervous and sweating. So we chatted and there were some awkward pauses but he was all over my shit. He was rubbing my leg, playing with my hair, tickling my arm. It was a bit much. I felt like we were on a speed train and it was a little too much in my grill if you know what I mean. I told him I had to leave by 9 and he acted sad. It was odd. So as the time ticked… he literally went in again. Too much. Way too much. He went aggressively and I don’t know why but I was uncomfortable. So I just said “ok I have to go.” I thanked him for the night and he walked me to the door, but not before he asked me to come over on Sunday to lounge and watch movies. It is a lot. I left feeling unsure. Like was he super pushy because he wanted to sleep with me? Or was he super pushy because he is really in to me? I mean it is all a lot. I have been single for a while and I thought I wanted someone who texted me all the time and wanted to me with me and yadda yadda the bells and whistles but this didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel like what I was thinking it would feel like. Do I have a factitious thought in my head? Do I not know what I want? Am I shocked because it was a lot in a short time and I haven’t had that in a while? Is he not what I am looking for? I can’t figure it out!!! It was a lot and it has my head spinning. What the hell do I want? What am I looking for? Who am I looking for? Isn’t there supposed to be a spark that is immediately there? I can’t decide if I want to see him Sunday because I don’t have anything else going right now or if I really want to go. If I go and keep this up I feel like I am going to have to have a “its not you its me…but really its you” talk with him. I feel like he is super speeding this shit and if I go again and things keep moving at lightning speed I am going to have to have a formal break-up with him if this isn’t what I want. I am confused…