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July 24, 2012

So when life doesn’t work you figure it out right? That’s what I am doing. Back to the dating website. If it was as easy as 1, 2, 3 then everyone would be married. I just logged in and I have 3 winks, 10 people interested in me, 11 emails, and 9 matches. I am going in with some thicker skin. If I don’t like I’m going to stop worrying about hurting feelings. I’m a tad discouraged. I mean I feel like Mr. Chemistry was a flop what if all these guys are flops?

All the wink people are going to be NO THANKS! Sorry but no thanks I’m in this for love boys and I’m getting inpatient.

Ok so one of my matches is cute so I am feeling ballsey and wrote this…

Hey,

You seem really fun so I thought I would email you. What do you teach?

Emily

What do I really have to lose.

So Mr. OU emailed me like 2 weeks ago…

RE:

I wonder if the craigslist killer was on match too? Haha. I was just talking to my buddies who I bartended with at ou, and we decided to drop all of our jobs, move back to OU, run and eventually buy out Pawpurrs, and sell pot as a 2nd income! Sounds like a plan, haha. (I don't do drugs). Id definitely like to meet up sometime. What's ur normal schedule like? Mines pretty crazy rest of this week.

He is funny and chill. Much needed that is forsure. And I don’t care if you feel like selling drugs but don’t be late to a date with me and my friends because you are too busy doing drugs. Because apparently people these days pick drinking over dates…. Grrrrrrr.

So weirdo just emailed me and said “cute, nice smile.” Is this a toddlers and tiaras competition? Cute? Nice smile? What the hell do you want me to do with that? I feel like that is just a stupid email. Say something with substance. You are weird. Maybe I get the nice smile award…what a freak with a crazy ass looking smile. NEXT!

OMG MR> WEIGHT LIFTER! I am so happy you are back in my online dating website life. You are a much needed light at the end of the tunnel. You do laundry and go grocery shopping on Sundays. You would never show up drunk to a movie. At least I hope not.

His email:

RE:

RE: Subject

Hey E :)

Sorry it has taken me forever to get back to you, after helping my brother move, I've started rennovation on my place. It's been pretty time consuming, but I've just been trying to get it done after I get off work in the evenings, and then on the weekends.

How's your weekend going?

How was the wedding?

You seem really nice and I think we are looking for a lot of the same things, and we both seem to be pretty busy, so if just wanna text me instead of writing me on here my number is ********.

Talk to you soon,

My Response:

Mr. Weight Lifter,

Im so happy to hear from you. Sorry I have not checked my email in a while either. Renovating the place eh? Good for you. The crazy wedding weekends have been good. I think you are right, we are looking for a lot of the same stuff in a person. I will text you soon. :)

E

OMG this might be exactly what the online dating doctor ordered. Maybe I need to start fresh. Wipe Mr. Chemistry and his immature ways away. Mr. Weight Lifter you might be just the guy to lift the disappointed weight off my shoulders.

Shit… Mr. FellowOU had emailed me again…I feel like an ass. I didn’t get on this thing in 2 weeks because I was fraternizing with an idiot.

His email:

RE:

Hey e...hope you had a great weekend. Wondering if u were still down to grab some food/drinks sometime this week?

I see that he has emailed me a third time so I should probably wait to respond…I’m an ass.

ello. How are you? Seems as though we enjoy th...

Hello. How are you? Seems as though we enjoy the same things in life and would get along well...Hopefully you feel the same and we can chat soon.

Sorry nerd, I don’t feel the same way so the chatting is done…

So this is forward and weird…

Hey smiley

Hey there, Smiley,

I saw you in my daily matches and saw thought you were too pretty and full of that natural smile and I just had to write to say hi.

I'm just setting down in East Walnut Hills. Which I'm told is suggestive that I have a one block buffer from the ghetto. I think it's a nice place and really like feeling settled. Summers off sounds like such a good plan. Maybe next year I'll plan on getting fired in June then ask for my job back in September.\

So what have you been doing with your time off? Even with a month to go does it feel like your on a countdown?

Later, pretty lady

I gave this no response.

So Mr. FellowOU wrote for the third time:

His email:

RE:

Hey e. Hope you're doing well! Hope to hear back soon.

My response:

Hey,

Sorry I haven’t checked email for like 2 weeks. I have been SUPER busy. How have things been?

E

I mean I feel a little worn out and maybe over the process?!? I don’t know…I don't really know if I am excited about anything right now but I can't really figure it out. I didn't really think Mr. Chemistry was right for me and I had plenty of doubts but why am I feeling slightly sad about it? Maybe because the attention is going to go away? Maybe because it makes me feel inadequate? Whatever it is I'm bugged by it. 

Back to the drawing board...

July 24, 2012

So it has been a week and 2 days since the confusing second date. I talked myself into being more open minded and stop basing everything off silly details like the fact that he made-out with me prematurely and spelled the word different wrong. I told myself that the reason I am in this situation is because I am picky and I let little things get in the way. So I made an attitude check and decided to give him another chance except there needed to be more meeting places and less hanging out at his place.

So he called me on Wednesday and asked me to go see Spiderman. Of course I said yes because going to see a movie is WAY better than watching a Netflix at his house. Less awkward and less chances he was going to maul me at any moment. I drove to his house and we went to the movie in his car. The movie was great. I could tell he was nervous and wanted to try and hold my hand or touch my arm or something but he couldn’t quite get it together. He would look down at me and smile and I felt he was really into me and it was reassuring. After the movie we chatted the whole way back to his house and the conversation was very natural and easy and it was like the first date all over again. He again asked me to come in, which I didn’t because it was midnight. I felt good about that date.

He texted me the next night and asked me to see the midnight showing of Dark Night. I didn’t want to go and I wanted to convince him to see it another night. I just didn’t feel like seeing a midnight 3 hour movie to be honest. So my friend K and her boyfriend J agreed to go see the movie with us on Monday. I gave that idea to Mr. Chemistry and he was all over it. I told him if he was uncomfortable or nervous we could go see it the 2 of us but he was excited and totally cool with it. To be honest I was kind of taken back and excited that he wanted to meet my friend. I was really starting to like the idea of him. I started imaging doing boyfriend and girlfriend things with him. I was getting accustomed to the idea that he would be coming places with me and possibly be a constant in my life. It was scary but also very exciting because I haven’t felt that in a while.

SO yesterday rolled around and it was time to go see the movie with my friends. K was excited but nervous to meet him and I was a ball of emotions. This was the first time in a while I was bringing someone around. Not to mention I was still trying to keep an open mind. He texted me on Monday afternoon o make sure we were still on for 7:30pm. I told him yes and told him I would meet him at his place around 7. So I’m rushing around my house trying to get ready with my bundle of nerves. I texted him and told him I would be there in 5 minutes and he responded with “I have a question.” My stomach freaking dropped. I thought, “I am about to pull in our apartment complex and you and going to cancel on me.” Honestly if he would have cancelled I would have said whatever but I was mostly thinking about how embarrassed I was going to be when I called my friend to basically tell her I was stood up. My face was immediately red. I responded by saying “ok what’s up.” He then proceeded to say, “what time are you coming to my house”. Mind you I was already 5 minutes late from when I told him I would be there.  My nerves were calmed and I told him I was pulling in… to my horror he responded, “I’m not home.” NOT HOME?!?!? NOT HOME!!!!! WTF?!?! Where the hell was he? And why was he forcing me to look like a giant ass in front of my friends. This was bad, this was really bad. Why would he not tell me earlier? Why did we get this freaking far and he was standing me up…yikes. So I had to respond… I said “well if you cant go that’s fine but you probably should have told me earlier.” I felt confident about that text. He immediately called me. I nervously answered because I felt so stupid.  He basically said “I lost track of time because I was helping my friend move.” He said he felt like a dick and he would met me at the theater. I just felt dumb. Really dumb. So he called when he got to the movie and I was standing there like a dumbass with 2 freaking tickets to this damn movie. He smiled when he saw me and apologized a million times. He gave me this whole schpeal about how his friend has always helped him move so he had to help his friend, the time got away from him yadda yadda. He was wearing a nice v neck and khakis. I thought that was weird. Who wears that to move? But we went to the theatre with a few awkward pauses. I didn’t really know what to think and I had to intro him to one of my best friends and he was like 40 minutes late. This is not what I am looking for but I was being open-minded and everyone is allowed to forget…right? No! but ok be nice. He met K and she of course thought he was cute and he was dressed nicely so he did look good but still so awkward. So the movie started and I smelled alcohol. Like the type of alcohol that seeps through your pores. SO I kept getting closer and trying to smell him and see if it was him. SURE ENOUGH! It was him. He was either drunk, had drank during the day, or was still sweating it out from the weekend? I mean it was a freaking Monday. I’m not working and I don’t even do that shit. Like sometimes I'm bitchy and stand-offish but you dont have to go drinking to hang out with me. Jeezz. 

SO he was drunk? Was he out with friends and getting drunk and forgot? What the hell?!?! I was so confused. This is not what I want. I want to be someone’s priority. I don’t want to be the afterthought while drinking. Dumb. Just dumb. I asked K if she smelled it and she did. Just terrible. The worst part was I look like the ass. Me. I hate feeling embarrassed and I was way passed embarrassed. 

He walked me to my car and invited me over but I declined. I was disappointed. Really disappointed. I had been weary but I had started to allow myself to think about possibilities and then this. I mean not being at his place, being late, and then drinking…this was too much. Not what I need. He texted me to tell me he wanted to do something before I went on vacation and I just want to say…YOU DON’T LIKE ME! It is discouraging and annoying. So I got caught up in the first guy and it was a rookie mistake. I’m back to the website…back to the drawing board I guess…why do I feel so disappointed and almost sad? I didn't even cry when I ended a 8 month relationship so why do I feel this way after like 8 days? It has to be the fact that I was almost letting my guard down and it was thrown in my face...like your typical idiot. 

So Confused...

July 13, 2012

So I went on a date tonight with Mr. Chemistry. I have to say I am a little confused to say the least. I was really excited and hopeful after the first date but I am perplexed now after the second date. I don’t know what to say…

So he has literally texted me every single day this week after he has gotten off work. He is really friendly and it is nice to have someone asking about my day and wanting to talk to me. That is a good feeling. However, it is a little much but I was attributing to the fact that he is probably just as excited as I was. So he immediately asked me to come over and watch a movie on Wednesday, which I couldn’t do. Then he asked me to come to his apartment and make sushi with him. I thought that was an awesome idea. He is a chef and it is an opportunity to show off to me. So long story short I went over today to make sushi with him.

We went to Findlay market to get all the ingredients and then it was cooking time. He sliced everything up and was slicing and dicing…definitely showing off to me. It is nice to see someone passionate about what they do and having confidence in themselves and their craft. So that was all great and he was teaching me how to roll my sushi and how to make a good presentation.  I had a blast doing it and the food was really good. We chatted and were playful in the kitchen. Very movie-like. The problem came next…..

We had beers and went to sit on the couch to watch tv. We were chatting and laughing and having a good time when…I was mid conversation and he grabbed my face and started making-out with me. I mean he was a good kisser but it was very unexpected and I didn’t know how to respond. My face was so red and I could literally feel my ears burning. I was hoping we would kiss for a little longer so he wouldn’t see how red my face was. He started to kiss my neck (super intimate and  super early) and I was thinking I AM IN A WEDDING TOMORROW DO NOT F*** WITH THE NECK!  So after we made-out for a minute, I didn’t know what to say but “wow pulling out all the stops with the sushi and a make-out.” I mean I didn’t even know what to say. I was nervous and sweating. So we chatted and there were some awkward pauses but he was all over my shit. He was rubbing my leg, playing with my hair, tickling my arm. It was a bit much. I felt like we were on a speed train and it was a little too much in my grill if you know what I mean. I told him I had to leave by 9 and he acted sad. It was odd. So as the time ticked… he literally went in again. Too much. Way too much. He went aggressively and I don’t know why but I was uncomfortable. So I just said “ok I have to go.” I thanked him for the night and he walked me to the door, but not before he asked me to come over on Sunday to lounge and watch movies. It is a lot. I left feeling unsure. Like was he super pushy because he wanted to sleep with me? Or was he super pushy because he is really in to me? I mean it is all a lot. I have been single for a while and I thought I wanted someone who texted me all the time and wanted to me with me and yadda yadda the bells and whistles but this didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel like what I was thinking it would feel like. Do I have a factitious thought in my head? Do I not know what I want? Am I shocked because it was a lot in a short time and I haven’t had that in a while? Is he not what I am looking for? I can’t figure it out!!! It was a lot and it has my head spinning. What the hell do I want? What am I looking for? Who am I looking for? Isn’t there supposed to be a spark that is immediately there? I can’t decide if I want to see him Sunday because I don’t have anything else going right now or if I really want to go. If I go and keep this up I feel like I am going to have to have a “its not you its me…but really its you” talk with him. I feel like he is super speeding this shit and if I go again and things keep moving at lightning speed I am going to have to have a formal break-up with him if this isn’t what I want. I am confused…

The search continues....

July 12, 2012

So although things with Mr. Chemistry re going great and we text regularly and we have a second date planned, I am keeping my options open. I have 2 weeks left on this thing and I might as well keep looking. I am not putting all my eggs in one basket because you just never know. And Mr. Chemistry has a lot of spelling errors in his profile and it annoys me. I mean use the freaking spell check.

So when I logged on I had 2 photo likes. Which, to me, is a creepy thing because I don’t really need men liking my photos. It’s a little weird. I have 6 emails, 3 winks, and 2 favorites. I put 3 of my people in the interested category of my profile.

Lets get down to business. Everyone interested in me are no, no, and no. What do people who live 50 miles from me think I would want to date them?!?! That’s starting off long distance. Hell to the no.

Email #1 is Mr. FellowOU. He literally emailed me july 8^th. I kinda feel like an ass.

His email:

RE:

Hey emily. I've been on here about 2 weeks. I've had a few people contact me, and I've contacted a few that I'm interestef in. Luckily no guys have gotten in touch with me...haha. but don't rush to judgement, I have no problems with gays. I have not met anyone in person. Id love to keep chatting with you, and if ur willing, maybe grab a bite or drink sometime. I promise, I'm not one of those online creepers. Do you make it back to OU at all? Hope u had a great weekend!

My response:

Hey,

Haha I have no problem with gay people either; however I am not on match to date a girl J I would love to keep chatting and I am down to get drinks and food. Haha I’m glad you’re not the Craig’s list killer. Makes me feel a little better. I don’t really make it to OU as I would like. How about you? Talk to you soon.

E

He seems nice and friendly. I don’t really know if anything would spark between us but whatever you have to give everything a try on here.

So this is a gem of an email. Not only is he a teacher but there are spelling and grammar errors in here. Awesome. It annoys me. Now I know that I have typos when I write these long ass blogs but to make some of these grammatical mistakes when you are on a computer is nuts. Also, I think I am over this process.

Nice to meet you

Hi,

How are you? Enjoying your summer I hope! I am also a teacher. I teach 5th grade math and 6th grade social studies. I do summer camp over the summer but I am off at 3:30 every day so it is no big deal. Plus it is more about just playing games than teaching which is a nice change of pace. I also coach 7th and 8th graders. I find them to be hilarious. It is great you like to stay active. What are some of your favorite places in hye park? My friends and I tend to end up a RP MvMurphy's because we know several servers there. That is sweet you want to go to Ireland. I would love to visit their some day as well. I think we would have a lot of fun haning out or talking with one another. So let me know if you would like to.

I mean I’m not commenting on this one. I have read his profile, looked at his pictures, and read this email and I just know he isn’t my match. He is kinda a dork and I can look at him and see that we are different.

I feel like I have a different outlook on this online dating right now because nothing new is sparking that I am interested in and I am excited to see how things go with Mr. Chemistry. Could this process be shorter than I thought? Maybe but also maybe not. I am not the settling type and I going to keep going on dates and wait for a spark. I know that  spark is out there for me. 

Date 1=Success

July 9, 2012

OH MY GOD! Literally this date could not have been any better. So let me run you through the whole day. So I kept myself super busy all day so I couldn’t think about the date tonight. I was trying not to get nervous and so when 5 o’clock rolled around I knew I had to get into the shower. I got ready but I was a ball of nerves. I was chatting with friends trying to calm my nerves and to come up with things to talk about. When I got into my car and started driving I was pretty sure I was going to be later and of course I had anxiety about that. I was a hot mess when I rolled up into the parking lot. I got there on time but I didn’t want to go in until 7 minutes late because I wanted to be the second person in. I feel like anyone can accidently be 5 minutes late and 10 minutes is like late late so I figured 7 minutes was a good time frame to get there.  SO when I pulled up I had to actually pull myself together first. I just kept telling myself to be myself and if that wasn’t enough whatever.

When I walked into the bar/restaurant  I was literally feeling like I could throw up when I walked in and I was praying he was there and would find me first. I took a step in the bar and looked to the left and the right and he must have know it was me because before I knew it he was smiling walking toward me. When I say him walk up to me I thought “damn you are cute.” He was so cute and had a good smile. He immediately said “hey e” and I don’t know what happened or came over me but I hugged him wooppss is that weird? I mean I hugged him upon arrival. Now that I dissect that move it was pretty weird. I don’t know I guess I felt immediately comfortable. So I sat at his table and he was immediately chatty. He was asking me questions, telling me about his trip to Hawaii he just took, we talked about our family and then out of nowhere he stopped talking midsentence. I was afraid he was going to leave or something. He looked at me very seriously and said “this might be a deal breaker for our future, whatever you want to future to be.” I was nervous but not really because he was joking and very playful the entire time leading up to this point. He asked me if I was team Skyline or team Gold Star. Obviously without hesitation I told him team Skyline and he said “wonderful this date can continue.” Haha I felt like that was a little glimpse into the person he is. He is very light-hearted and silly. He asked me if I have ever had the bar’s chicken wings because they are the “best chicken wings this side of Mississippi.” I obviously haven’t and since he is a chef I figure I would take his recommendation. He ordered us food and beers and we continued to talk.

Now this is a little odd. So he and his friends go to this place every Monday. His friends were actually there which I thought was intimidating and weird. They actually didn’t bother us and once on of his friends came up and introduced himself to me. I was my normal outgoing self and I think he liked me. I literally felt like myself the entire date. Nothing was forced and it was easy to joke around with him. He also was right on parr with my humor as well. He ate our chicken wings, which is quite a challenge on a first date and continued talking. I really just felt comfortable.  After about an hour and a half of the date, he looked at his watch and asked in I wanted to “get the best margarita’s in Cincinnati.” I think we both knew it was getting to the point in the date where it was ending and I am telling myself that he didn’t want it to end and that’s why we moved on to margs. I obviously said yes because I didn’t want the date to end either. I was having a good time and I loved chatting with him. He kept touching my leg or back and it was really endearing. It was nice to have someone show interest in me. I haven’t felt like that in a really long time. 

So anyways he paid the bill and asked me to go to the Prickly Pear for margs. I asked him where it was and he then told me he could just drive me and bring me back. Well as soon as he said that red lights went off in my head and I was thinking oh shit Craig’s list killer. SO immediately, I have no idea what got into me, but I said “you aren’t going to turn Craig’s list killer on me and kill me are you?” He laughed because we both have the same sense of humor and said “No, but even if I was going to kill you I wouldn’t tell you because that defeats the purpose.” I had felt so comfortable with him and I honestly was okay with getting into the car with him. Now that says a lot coming from the girl who watches the Investigation Discovery channel every day and knows this is a warning sign to get murdered. He laughed it off and then asked me if I ever saw that movie on lifetime. I had so I said yes and he said “well don’t judge me but I have too and it’s a decent flick.” Haha I told him my friends had warned me not to go anywhere with him and that if he did end up killing me I would be pissed. It kind of became our own little joke. We both kept making references back to it. I liked that he could joke and understand my humor and at the same time still be interested in me.

I got into his new car, which was nice, and we started driving to the Prickly Pear. Our easy conversation kept flowing and I felt really confortable. He obviously thinks I’m silly and fun and wanted to hear stories about my life. We both talked about our families and friends and we shared some more personal stories but everything was really light-hearted and easy. He asked me what marg I wanted and there was so many that I didn’t know what to choose. He stepped in and recommended the blood orange marg half frozen and half not. He told me they are the best. So I went with him and he ordered for the both of us. I liked that. I have been riding solo for so long I forgot what it was like to have someone else do things for you. I forgot what it was like to have another person to think about. It was really a great feeling to have him order for me. Silly, right? We both pulled out our ID’s and he took mine swiftly and checked it out. He said I looked beautiful in my picture, which is a lie, but it was a nice compliment. The night continued with us chatting and laughing and connecting.

When he went to drive me back to my car he asked if I wanted to see his complex (because they are new) and I of course said yes because we have to drive past them. Took me to see them and his pool and was excited to show me his building.  His friend called him and he told me he had to take the call. When his friend asked what he was doing he told him he was with his friend E and that he would meet me soon. It could have been taken as too much but I didn’t take it like that at all. I was excited about it. It was cute. He took me to my car and parked next to it. I told him I had a really good time and that I was really nervous over nothing. My phone had been blowing up the entire date so I told him my friends were wondering where I was since the date started at 7pm and it was then 10pm. He told me to text them and tell them I was alive haha. He had heard about my friends all night so he just smiled. We chatted in his car and I didn’t want to get out. He told me I could come to his house and watch food network with him (something we chatted about all night) but like a lady I told him I was going to go home. I wonder if he really wanted to hang out or if he wanted to just sleep with me? I hope he really just wanted to still hang out. Weird but I didn’t. He didn’t ask for my number, probably because I shut him down the first time and said he would want to see me again because he had a good time too. I told him to take my number and text or call sometime during the week. He laughed and said “ok good now I have the privilege of having your number?’ I laughed too and told him since he wasn’t a freak I would give it to him. Then out of nowhere that spontaneous hug came and he hugged me. He either was leaning for a kiss or he smelled my hair. Either way I was glad he reciprocated with the hug.

He texted me after I drove home and told me he wanted to hang out again. He wanted a second date with me! It was such a great feeling! Like amazing. Like shoot for the stars, OMG you want to take me out again? You are interested in me? I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t believe it for a variety of reasons.

1.     I am rarely interested in people. So having so much chemistry with him was unusual and alarming.

2.     He wasn’t going to play any games and wait a certain time he obviously knew he wanted to see me again.

3.     I just really couldn’t believe the chemistry. I went into this thing thinking whatever it could be good probably not. I thought I wasn’t finding anyone and I felt like it was kind of a waste of time. This date wasn’t a waste of time. If anything this date was encouraging. Am I going to date Mr. Chemistry (I changed his name) forever and get married and have 4 kids? Probably not, but maybe. There was a maybe there. And if this thing fizzled by the end of the week there was always the chance that I could meet someone else on the dating website and have totally chemistry with them. It is encouraging and makes me have hope in the online dating process.

I think this date did a lot for me. It made me reinstall faith in the concept of online dating.  I was feeling doubtful of the process and was teetering toward quitting but this date showed me that there is chemistry on the website and there are people who are looking for the same things as me.  This date also made me feel confident in myself. I haven’t dated and been interested in people for a really long time. I was chatting it up/talking with a guy around December but to my own dumbass self it ended and I pretty much had no faith in myself. I think this date gave me a flame again. It made me believe that I could find someone and not be completely defeated. I feel good after this date. Am I going to marry Mr. Chemistry? Who knows but probably not but it is good to have something right now to be excited about. I’m obviously not putting all my eggs in this basket because this is date one with one person but it gets me excited for future dates with whoever they may be.